Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
