Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i now understand why vodka
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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