how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize