I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
