if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
