Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
