Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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