Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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