Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
