i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
