So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
