New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
