i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
