So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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