I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Cover your peen. We're going out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize