Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
