girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
