after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
