Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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