What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
