She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
