in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
