Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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