I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
