im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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