i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
