i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
