just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
