He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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