Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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