I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you will always have a special place in my vag
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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