yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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