What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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