grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
