i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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