dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
