whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
