the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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