when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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