sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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