you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
