Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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