this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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