My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
