if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
