shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
