apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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