Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
