Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
