Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
