I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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