tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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