a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
