I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
