Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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