no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
