I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were destined to go to rehab together
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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