you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
