So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
