Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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