We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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