Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
