i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
