I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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