We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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