I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
