Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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