How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
