can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
