The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
