My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
