apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You can't special order awesome
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
