He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
