Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize